If Six Was Nine
March 30, 2012 - 12:48pm
by Roger Rodd
In all of their infinite wisdom, the brain trust of professional football scouts chose Jack Thompson, Phil Simms, and Steve Fuller in the first round. To determine this decision, they relied upon a system that rated Thompson an eight on a scale of nine. Thompson’s eventual impact as an NFL QB would place him somewhere between Lady Gaga and Urkel. Fuller should have stuck to selling brushes door to door. In fairness, only Simms more than earned his place as a worthy top choice.
The 82nd pick in the third round that year in the NFL draft was a little known player named Joe Montana. Despite countless comebacks and numerous triumphs over adversity throughout his high school and college careers, the scouts rated him a six. It’s rumored that those same scouts resigned after that draft, and eventually became the financial managers for M.C. Hammer.
Put This on My Account
March 21, 2012 - 8:32am
by Roger Rodd
“The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it” —Lou Holtz
If I would’ve bet my house on New England in Super Bowl 46, and if I could’ve chosen any NFL receiver playing today, only Larry Fitzgerald would’ve been my choice over Wes Welker, when Brady launched that pass. That’s an undisputed fact for three reasons:
My years and knowledge from playing wideout, I have never owned a house, and you’ve got to have crap in your head to bet on football games.
Welker shaved off his mustache after the game. At the post game interview he spoke faintly through eyes that clearly were welling with tears. That precipitates two more solid facts:
Welker is superstitious. In America, only a football player can cry and still be considered a man. Try crying to a few of your pals the next time your woman dumps you. They’ll be casting you for the lead in “Brokeback Mountain 2.
I’m a “Home A-Phobe”
February 24, 2012 - 7:05am
by Roger Rodd
“There’s No Place Like Home,” “Home on the Range,” “Home Is Where the Heart Is,” and the list goes on. All are solid implications of the safety one feels in their own domicile.
We live in a country where “support our troops” is mindlessly chanted, usually by a draft dodging politician. Most often it’s the “hawk” who snorted half of Bolivia while AWOL from the National Guard he joined to avoid service in a combat zone. They’re the same people who turn a blind eye towards helping the enormous percentage of the homeless population who are former combat veterans. Being homeless is a tragic condition-regardless of the circumstances that caused it.
Lights, Camera, No Action
January 23, 2012 - 12:47pm
"Yeah, well ... sometimes nothin’ can be a real cool hand.” -Paul Newman in the film classic, “Cool Hand Luke”
Stand-Up Poker: Chewed Up and Spat Out
January 11, 2012 - 9:44am
by Roger Rodd
“Ya big galoot! Ya gummed the works!” —Spoken by an angry mobster to a flunky mobster in an episode of “The Three Stooges.”
The recent WSOP final table drew my distracted attention as I conducted the Graduate Tournament for the CCUP, aka The Commerce Casino University Of Poker. Small crowds gathered by the overhead HDTVs, as it was airing on seemingly every flat screen in the Commerce.
