2009 August 31

The devil made me do it the first time, and after that I did it on my own. -Robert Fulghum

[This is a work of poker fiction set ten thousand hands in the future. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is coincidental.]

Ivan Jakes (aka Ivan the Terrible) was the poster child for poker's lost generation, the not-ready-for-prime-time players who came of age after the suicide bombing of Las Vegas' Crystal's Poker Room had devastated poker's elite ranks. Their lewd, rude, and crude poker table behavior earned them another nickname-Poker's Bad Ass Boys.

You are sitting in your favorite Omaha/8 game and raised the pot before the flop with Ac-Ad-2c-3d in your hand. You have four callers and your starting hand has the highest win rate of all starting hands, 64 percent with an average net win of $44.06. The dealer delivers the flop and you see an awful 2-9-T. Should you play on, trying for runner-runner low? The answer depends on how the flop is suited. This chart (not shown) shows the results based on how the flop is suited.

It started in December of 2008 when PokerStars claimed the world record, as the online poker site organized a tournament that drew 35,000 players to it, the most ever to play in one event at one time on the internet. Since that time, not only has PokerStars had its eye on breaking its own record, but Full Tilt Poker had the same idea too. Healthy competition between two of the biggest and most popular poker sites in the world, some might say.

LA's Commerce Casino and its new tournament director Matt Savage might not have connected if Savage's Plan A had worked.

His thinking fizzled, so he looked around for a Plan B and what do you know, there it was. It's a long story but the 40-year-old Savage cuts to the chase with this explanation: He was 14 when he started working as a porter in a 60-lane Southern California bowling alley. His goal then was to become a professional bowler. It would have been fun. Years later he still carries a 210 average.

But ...

"There was not a lot of money in bowling."

The Legends of Poker took off with a star-studded celebrity event at the Bicycle's brand new Event Center. Celebs included professional athletes, actors and some of poker pros including, Camryn Manheim, Suzanne Todd, Phillip Palmer, Ken Davitian, Budd Friedman, Willie Garson, Kelli Gates, Annie Duke, Jamie Gold, Joseph Reitman, Tony Denison, Mike Lansford, Steve Mittleman, Sara Rue, Men "The Master" Nguyen, Van Nguyen, J.K. Simmons, Phillip Palmer, Amir Vahedi, Karri Turner, Damion Marzett, Brett Faryniarz, and Dwight Stones, comedians Michael Colyar, Norby Walters and James Pickens Jr.

Commerce Casino unveiled its new Race book in mid-July, just in time for horseracing enthusiasts to place their bets on the thoroughbreds opening the season at Del Mar. Commerce became the first card casino in Southern California-Los Angeles/Orange County metropolitan region to offer off-track wagering as a mini-satellite facility.

The casino's new Race book features eight self-serve kiosks that sell and cash tickets. A pari-mutuel clerk is also present. The Race book, located in the southern region of the casino near the buffet, has 15 TV screens showing races from around the nation.

Speculative hands are often called "come hands," because you're betting "on the come." That means you don't have a complete hand or any real strength just yet, but you're hopeful that this will soon change.

Object. A speculative hand can't stand on its own; it needs assistance from fate. When you play a speculative hand, you're hoping to make a straight, flush, or maybe three of a kind or two pair if you already have a small pair after the flop. You're not usually attempting to make a pair, especially if your cards are low-such as beginning with 8-7 suited.

Losing a big pot can be one of the worst experiences in poker, especially when you are beaten by overwhelming odds. Nothing boils the blood more than a vicious river suckout. In live games, most players are able to keep their cool (unless you're Phil Hellmuth) and handle themselves in a professional manner. At online tables, people have the anonymity of playing at home so they often berate their opponents in the chat box. In short, they act like rude and disgusting pigs.

Poker players love to see an ace in the hole. Any ace is good! Well, not really. The ace is the top card in the deck; no card is higher. So it's understandable that a poker player gets a warm, fuzzy feeling when he turns up the corner of his first hole card and sees an ace.

I flew to Las Vegas and entered the World Series of Poker in pursuit of poker glory. I left utterly defeated, literally sick and tired of poker. Here's the story.

I arrived in Las Vegas on Saturday, June 27, scheduled to play in the WSOP's $1,500 7-stud/8 event the following evening. I planned to stay two weeks and play in card rooms around the city. I knew that stud cash games were virtually extinct in Las Vegas. So I was looking forward to working on my no-limit hold 'em.