So you're a serious poker player, earning a living at this great game for many years. Or maybe you're someone who's caught up in the poker craze and you're riding the wave of a steep learning curve. Whoever you are, you should value your poker skills for the success they can bring. No, not at the poker table - at the dinner table.
Want to know how? Here are four ways to turn your poker skills into parenting thrills:
Play the Hand You're Dealt
No Limit Texas Hold Em is interesting and exciting to play because any hand can win. And that's one of the skills that separates a professional from an amateur - the ability to win pots with bad hands.
The same is true for fatherhood. The "hand we're dealt" is the family environment we grew up in, how we were raised. Without getting too deep into the muck and mire of your family of origin, I bet you can pretty easily think of traits or habits you learned from your parents - some good, some not so good. Did your father have a strong work ethic? Did your mother regularly show affection? Was your father too strict? Was your mother hyper-critical?
More importantly, think how your kids would describe a "good father" and consciously choose what part of your heritage you'll pass on to your kids - the good or the bad.
Let's face it: None of us grew up in an ideal environment, just as none of us gets dealt a pair of aces every hand. But the beauty of No Limit Texas Hold Em - and fatherhood - is that any hand can win; it all depends on how you play the hand.
Give Action to Get Action
In his legendary book, Super/System, Doyle Brunson says, "you have to give action to get action." In other words, occasionally play pots you wouldn't normally play, in order to "give action" to other players. Then when you have a good hand and bet, those players are more likely to give the action back to you.
So what kind of action are you giving your kids? Do you play the games they like to play, even if they seem silly? Do you regularly attend their sporting events or school activities? Are you there during difficult times they're experiencing?
Even if you're not interested in a game, activity, or event, it's important to be involved because you're showing genuine interest in your children as people. They might not understand that message, but they will feel the message, and that's much more important. The action you get may not be immediate; it may come many years from now. But that kind of sums up parenting doesn't it?
Look for Diamonds in the Muck
We're never quite prepared for the shocks and challenges that life deals us. Our daughter, Ashley, was only two when my wife and I discovered she had diabetes. Our lifestyle, and more accurately Ashley's lifestyle, changed dramatically in a few short days as we learned how to control this disease.
What can parents do when experiencing a bad beat like this? Look for diamonds in the muck. In other words, look for the positive that can come from a negative experience.
One of the positives of Ashley's diabetes is that she has learned to be disciplined and have self-control. She can't simply follow her impulses to eat whatever she wants, whenever she wants. As a diabetic teenager someday, that discipline will actually help her when she is studying in high school. Diamonds in the muck.
The Thrill (and Chill) of Going All In
"I'm all in" - the three words every poker player loves to say. It's a power play, an aggressive move, a do-or-die situation when you commit all your chips. So what does going all in as a father mean? It means making an all-out commitment to your kids.
Dropping them off or picking them up from daycare or school. Eating some dinners together as a family each week. Helping them solve problems with their friends.
What commitments do you make to your children on a consistent basis?
Fatherhood brings lots of work and responsibility, so going all in can be chilling - a daunting task with little reward. If you think of all the little ways you're building a relationship with your kids, going all in is thrilling - and many of the rewards come years later. Go ahead, say the three words you love to say. Your kids deserve an ALL IN commitment.
So there you have it - four ways to turn poker skills into parenting thrills. And with your vast poker knowledge, I'm sure you'll discover even more. Your kids are betting on it.
Mark Borowski, avid poker player and father of two, knows firsthand how poker skills help him raise his kids. His book, "Big Slick Daddy: Poker Strategies for Parenting Success" is due out by Christmas, 2005. To find out more go to www.BigSlickDaddy.com
