I finished writing a book today. Killer Poker Online/2. You can expect to see it in your bookstore within the year, and I hope to heck that it won't have been horrendously overtaken by events by then. Meantime, I've got a few spare minutes on my hands, and while any time during the last six months I would certainly have filled those minutes playing poker online (in the name of research, mind you) I gotta tell ya that I'm just a little sick of that recreation right now. Like they locked me in an ice cream store overnight and by morning I couldn't stand the sight of the stuff.
Anyway, I've got a new game. It's called internet translator, and here's how it works. You take a familiar phrase, say fortune favors the bold, and run it through a couple of different translations online. Like from English to French, French to Russian, Russian back to English. What do you get? Fortune favors the fat. Lovely. It's like that game telephone we used to play when we were kids, only this version is solitaire. Being of an inquisitive bent, I thought I'd see what happened if an internet translator got hold of some phrases of my coinage. The originals of all of these can be found in my various Killer Poker books. The translated versions can be found only here, thank God. The meaning must be divined, as with tea leaves.
All things being equal, be active
All things, which are equal, are active
If you have the best of it, don't fear the worst of it
If you him has the better thing, you fear no longer imperfect
When you get the goods, bet the goods
When you obtain the merchandises, the merchandises bet
Go big or go home
It goes great or it goes to filed
What you see depends on where you stand
If you see, it depends above where you keep
The only one who can hurt you is you
Some with which can wound to you is you
Self indulgence equals self destruction
Even beaten, the self destruction equalizes
Good is the enemy of great
Good large one will be the enemy
There are no bad beats, only temporary setbacks
Exists no one strikes bad, the only temporary nuisances
If it's good for a call, it's good for a raise
If it is well for an interpolation, it is well for an increase
Only victims get victimized
The victims have only become the victim
Don't beat your head against a wall that has a door in it
The lettuce, your head, adversely is a wall that has a door in it
Save your ego for the winner's circle
Right I you for the circle of victor
It's not the end of the world, it's not even the end of the week
It is the end of the world, it is not indeed the end of the week
Nonsense? Sure. But inspired nonsense, right? Okay maybe not. Idle hands are the devil's playground, and these idle hands obviously can't stay still for long. Can I start my next book yet?
