And we're rolling, rolling, rolling on the river. -"Proud Mary," J.C. Fogerty
[This is a work of poker fiction set ten thousand hands in the future. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is coincidental.]
Martha Jane Canary (a.k.a. "Calamity Jane") spent only her earliest years in Missouri. Yet, when it came time to name their newest Mississippi Riverboat Casino, "Calamity Jane" easily beat out Mark Twain for the honor.
"There it is!" said Peggy Smith as she and Winston drove over the Tennessee-Missouri state line bridge. "There's the Calamity Jane!" In her hand Peggy clutched three rolls of quarters.
"There it is!" said Jack Boots as he and the Sisters Queen stood under the Tennessee-Missouri state line bridge. "There's the Calamity Jane!" In his hand Boots clutched three homemade pipe bombs.
In the 1800's steam-driven paddle-wheeled river boats rolled up-and-down the Mississippi River, New Orleans to St. Louis, in a little over three and three-quarter days. Passengers, with little else to do than watch the tree-lined scenery (and perhaps Huck and Jim's raft) float slowly by, sought to divert themselves with amusements. Among those diversions were games of chance like faro, euchre, and poker.
States on the Mississippi River, which in the 1920's had all prohibited land-based gambling, extended this prohibition to their waterways, making riverboat gambling illegal. It wasn't until April Fools Day 1991 that Iowa, prevented from collecting gambling revenue generated by its Indian Casinos, became the first state to once again legalize riverboat gambling. A far cry from the great steam-driven paddle-wheelers of the past, these new casinos were nothing more than pre-fabricated gambling warehouses on oversized barges.
In the years that followed, other states along the Mississippi River permitted thirty more of the riverboats to tie up on their banks. Tennessee refused to join them. The State's 1925 Anti-Gambling Law-Any and all wagering games of chance, including any variation whatsoever of the card games known as Faro, Euchre, and Poker are hereby and forever prohibited-continued to be in effect throughout the Volunteer State. Neighboring Missouri had no such laws against card games, so Tennesseans, eager to play poker, had only to cross the Mississippi River to play on a riverboat.
One of these, the Calamity Jane, was moored on the Missouri side of the river under the I-555 bridge that connected Southeastern Missouri and Northwestern Tennessee.
Leaving Peggy at Calamity's Quarters, Winston Smith wandered aimlessly around the crowded casino floor, stopping first at the Rolling On The River Craps Table, and then at Wild Bill's Poker Room, named, appropriately enough, for Calamity Jane's late husband.
Smith suddenly recognized a familiar face at one of the poker tables, his neighbor Ben Parsons. He hesitated to say hello. Only recently an anti-poker vigilante group calling themselves The Anti-Poker Patrol had, in the persons of two very scary women named the Sisters Queen, invaded Smith's home and questioned him closely about his relationship with Parsons, whom they called a "card criminal."
Wanting no trouble from The Anti-Poker Patrol, Smith turned quickly away and, not looking where he was going, crashed head-long into a big man who was at that moment rushing toward the poker room. Caught off balance, the big man tripped and fell to the floor.
"I am so sorry ..." began Smith, reaching out to help the man up. But his apology stopped in mid-sentence when he saw, not a man's face, but a woman's-one of the Sisters Queen. The pipe bomb she had been clutching in her hand was rolling toward the poker room.
(To be continued in the next issue of Poker Player)
