By the time a fool has learned the game the players have dispersed. -African Proverb
[This is a work of poker fiction set ten thousand hands in the future. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is coincidental.]
Opponents of Mississippi Riverboat Casinos called them "Ships of Fools," a reference to the old story of passengers oblivious to the dangers of boarding a leaky boat.
Five people in, around, or nearing the poker room of the Calamity Jane were about to find out just how leaky.
At a no-limit hold 'em table was Ben Parsons who, oblivious to the fact that his sworn enemies, the Anti-Poker Patrol, were around him, had just pushed his last chips all-in.
All around the poker room were three members of the Anti-Poker Patrol, Jack Boots and The Sisters Queen. Each carried a pipe bomb. Boots has codenamed the bombing of the Calamity Jane's poker room "The Sixteenth Street Plan." A student of domestic terrorism, Boots' plan was named after the KKK's 1963 bombing of Birmingham, Alabama's Sixteenth Street Baptist Church that killed four little girls. "The Sixteenth Street Plan" called for the three Anti-Poker Patrol members to pose as card room railbirds and, at Boots' signal, light the fuses of their bombs with cigarettes, walk into the poker room, and roll their bombs under the tables. That time was now. Boots signaled to the Sisters Queen, touched off the fuse, threw away the cigarette, and rushed towards the poker room entrance.
Nearing the poker room entrance just then was Winston Smith. The Sisters Queen had warned Smith to stay far away from Ben Parsons. Spotting Parsons at a poker table, Smith was turning to leave when he crashed head-on into one of the Sisters Queen. The two fell to the floor, as did the lighted pipe bomb, which rolled into the poker room, coming to a stop under Parsons' chair. Having just busted out of the game, Parsons kicked back his chair, sending the pipe bomb rolling back toward Smith who was thrown on top of it. The Queen Sister ran off. Her bomb failed to go off.
Jack Boots had downloaded the bomb-making instructions from the website MyIED.com and followed them to the letter. Made of short lengths of steel pipe, packed full with nails and screws, and powered by hundreds of pulverized match heads, the pipe bombs were designed to maim or kill everyone in the poker room. That they failed to do so was a classic example of the acme effect.
The worlds most famous cartoon company, ACME, (A Company Making Explosives) was created by Looney Toons for the express purpose of giving Wile E. Coyote, in his never ending pursuit of the road runner, a company providing dangerous products that, at the worst possible moment, would fail catastrophically.
The failure of Jack Boots' homemade pipe bombs was a perfect example of the acme effect. The fuse of the first bomb, smothered by Winston Smith, fizzled out. The second exploded in an empty corner not with a bang but with a whimper. The third, which was rolled under a full poker table, released nothing more then bright sparks and acrid smoke.
While the attempted bombing was a complete failure, Boots' lit cigarette, thrown into the trash, ignited a blaze that burned The Calamity Jane to the waterline. Pictures of the dead and dying were plastered on every HD3DTV screen under the headline "Floating Firetrap."
The Calamity Jane Catastrophe was the death knell for all Mississippi riverboat casinos. In a year the Ships of Fools were closed forever.
(To be continued in the next issue of Poker Player)
