“Don’t tap on the aquarium” is a well-known catchphrase among poker players, originally credited to poker pro Phil Gordon. The basic gist of this saying should be obvious: Don’t scare away the fish. It’s never a good idea to berate, insult, or in any way embarrass bad players at the poker table—even when one of those bad players has just put a horrific beat on you. Perhaps especially then. Sure, it’s bad manners but much more important than that, it’s bad business.
If you are serious about wanting to make money off this game, one of worst things you can ever do is frighten away the fish. In the long run, those brain-dead poker nitwits—the ones who call off their chips with nothing more than a paper-thin long shot draw and a dream, who stubbornly remain in the pot long after any thinking player would have mucked—are the main source of your poker profits.
If you should, in a moment of pique after a particularly bad suck-out, proclaim out loud that your opponent didn’t play the hand right, what can that possibly accomplish other than giving you a brief moment of emotional release? And if you keep telling your opponent how poorly he’s playing, one of two things is going to happen: He is going to quit playing entirely, or else he will learn how to play the game better.
Either one of those results is disastrous for your bottom line. You need all those stupid, clueless players in your game. You need them even when they’re hitting two-outers on the river. Okay, so he got you this time by spiking his 22-to-1 shot. Keep him in the game and you’ll get his money most of the time. We all need lousy players at our tables; we need them relaxed and having a good time, full of hope and false confidence, throwing their chips away. Because that’s where the profits comes from.
The majority of fishy players are not really that serious about wanting to win money at the game. That’s a big part of what makes them fish in the first place. They’re playing more for the recreational, social aspect. They want to have fun. Needless to say it’s no fun to be insulted. There’s nothing remotely recreational about having their playing abilities, mental capacities, and perhaps more called into question by some angry “serious” player who still hasn’t learned how to take a bad beat.
It’s an unfortunate truth of poker that bad beats and suck-outs are a natural part of the game and always will be. Part of the skill required to be a serious poker player is the ability to take those bad beats without blowing a gasket. Vent your anger at the clueless idiot who just beat you out of a pot, and you’ll make him feel rotten. If you make him feel rotten enough, he’ll close up his wallet and quit the game—making it impossible for you to ever win your money back from him.
The other potential outcome when fish get ridiculed for bad play is that they will tighten up and start to play better. That’s another highly undesirable result. While it is true that tight players won’t inflict as many bad beats on you, they also won’t give you much, if any, of their money over the long run. Even worse, they might get motivated to study the game, perhaps purchase a poker book or two, and learn some real strategy. When that happens the fish is not a fish anymore; he’s now transforming into a shark. That player who used to be a donor is becoming a real competitor. All because one of his “smart” opponents couldn’t resist the urge to tap on the aquarium walls.
Barbara Connors is a sucker for classic old movies, science fiction, and the St. Louis Cardinals. Her life’s ambition is to figure out the unusual behavior patterns of that unique breed of humans who call themselves poker players. Contact her at fyreflye222@yahoo.com.
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