Once upon a time, in the magic kingdom of "Lost Angels" - or L.A.- there lived a great team of basketball stars. As was the custom of this elite basketball powerhouse - each year right on schedule - advancing to the finals of the N.B.A. playoffs - or so it seemed. So charismatic and entertaining were these gladiators of the round ball that they would lure celebrities from all occupations to attend. So upscale and glitzy were the playoff atmosphere proceedings that ticket prices hikes were an acceptable part of the package. It would be nothing to see a who's who list of the movie and entertainment scene, coupled with a hodgepodge of sports fanatic's celebrities outside of mainstream movie, television, and political agendas. Then one day the owner broke up the group. Moreover, just like any other monopoly in the music industry that decides to break up the group - for whatever reason - the enchanted team from La La land fell on immediate hard times. The owner decided that the M.V.P. (Shaq) of the team must GO to make room for the heir apparent (Kobe) who could no longer co-exists with this aging, overweight disruption. (Little boy interrupts) "You mean they got rid of The Big Aristotle, The Big Equalizer, The Big...a... they got rid of SUPERMAN!" Yes, they did son, gone from the land of L.A. never to be heard from again.
Flash-forward to the year 2006 and the N.B.A. playoff, what's this, Shaquille O'Neal is back and headed to the final round of the playoffs against the Dallas Mavericks. Yes, Superman is back with a new sidekick, a new Robin, in the form of Dwayne Wade. To be honest, Dwayne Wade is the MVP of this team however; the Big Aristotle or whatever he calls himself is the straw that stirs the drink, STILL! How does all this sit with the L.A. Lakers fans? Well like a form of practical math, they are divided into two groups, the L.A. Lakers fans that appreciated Shaq's contribution while he was here and wish him well, and the undercover Kobe fans disguised as Lakers fans that wish him everything bad except maybe death. Yes, the Los Angeles Lakers fans are torn between an allegiance to a city that said goodbye to one of their beloved members only for him to return to rub it deep in the - (pick a word here) of the owners, and management. However, these fans are not the ones suffering, it's the died-in-the-wool-staunch-Kobe'severything- Shaq's-nothing-please-don't-let-the-Dallas Maverickslose- who's-ever-in-charge-knuckleheads, that claim that they are - in fact -L.A. Lakers fans. Real L.A. Lakers fans recognize the difference between good-natured ribbing at Shaq, but stop short of ridicule and finger pointing. The L.A. Kobe's however, are a different story, with their vindictive, accusatory tone, pointing at Shaq weight, age, tentativeness to assert the same dominating performance in past years with venomous hatred inaccuracy.
Never-mind since the break-up the L.A. Kobe's have missed the playoffs altogether - the first year - this year they were ousted in the first round. While the L.A. Kobe's were floundering the Miami Heat - with Shaq at the helm- made it to the Eastern finals the first year, and will play the Dallas Mavericks in the N.B.A. finals in 2006. One L.A. Kobe fan will be on 24 hr. alert (watch) during the Finals. A police squad car will patrol his area before and after the game.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls it's a horribly sad day in Mudville - to mix metaphors -if the Miami Heat wins and Shaq in vindicated. However, like that campy 60's Superman serial began, "Look up in the Sky, it's a bird it's a plane, it's Superman! The Kobe lovers across the nation unite in
