I was lounging poolside at Hobby's Palm Springs villa when he burst from the house shaking his cell phone. "It was Mike, Hobby's first mate, who just called from Ensenada. Lazybuns is ready; they repaired the hull and gave the whole boat a new bright white finish. I can't wait to see it."
"That's good news, but I thought you were going to sell it and buy a 135-foot super-yacht."
"I was seriously considering it, but I'd miss Lazybuns. I think it's just the right size for me."
"Whatever makes you happy, Hobby."
"I want to go down to Ensenada and sail it back. You've gotta come with me, Joe."
"Oh, man. I don't know. I don't enjoy driving in Mexico anymore."
"Tell you what I'll do. I rent a plane to take us down."
"Hobby, you know I don't like flying in small planes, either."
"Hey, Joe, you can't keep making excuses. You're my buddy aren't you?"
Before I answered I looked around and took in the pleasant circumstances of being Hobby's friend. I knew I couldn't let him down. "You're right. I'll go. But when?"
"I'll get on the phone and see what charter service they have out of the Palm Springs airport."
I had just finished packing an overnight bag when Hobby hollered, "The cab is here."
On the ten minute drive to the airport Hobby said, "I've got a surprise for you."
"I hope it's a big Lear Jet with bunny-girl hostesses."
He laughed and said, "No, nothing like that. It's quite the opposite, but I think it'll give you something to write about."
When we walked into the charter terminal my eyes immediately focused on a hulk of a man, six-five or better, dressed entirely in green and wearing a green top hat. "You must be Patrick," Hobby said.
"Yes, sir. And would you be my passengers?"
"Hobby," I said quietly to him, "what the hell is this?"
"This is the surprise. Patrick is going to fly us to Ensenada in his helicopter and he's going to let me co-pilot."
"And you're going without a passenger. Adios amigo."
"C'mon Joe, don't be a spoil sport. It'll be fun."
I was rooted to the spot until Hobby applied a painful arm grab and the green monster moved in on the other side. I don't think my feet touched down until I was on the chopper. It was one of the big cargo birds that had once been used by the military.
"Patrick is going to deliver equipment to Ensenada, so I got a good deal. Isn't that great!"
"Hobby, you are stretching the bonds of our friendship to the breaking point."
"Do you get airsick?" Patrick asked.
"I'm sick already and we haven't taken off."
"Just take this Dramamine and strap down in that seat. You'll be fine."
Fine, I wasn't. Between the howling and screeching of the engines, the buffeting and twisting of the craft-"we may encounter a little turbulence"-and the feeling I would wind up in a twisted piece of rubble, I was as un-fine as I could be. I mostly kept my eyes closed and tried to relax. When I looked up I saw this monster of a green clothed pilot with a top hat and scarf around his neck reminiscent of Mickey Rooney's movie role rescuing downed fighter pilots during the Vietnam War. In the meantime, Hobby was having a grand time laughing and swapping stories with him.
The earth never felt so good beneath my feet before. As we walked toward the air terminal Hobby said, "Joe, you look the same color as Patrick."
"Thanks, I needed that. If ever," I said with a loud voice, "you want me to make a trip like that again; you'll have to shoot me first."
"Ah ... it was fun. Now we're here, there's no problem. I'll make it up to you. Patrick's going to come to Lazybuns. He's a poker nut like us. When he's not flying he's at a casino playing hold'em. I'm going to call a couple of our friends here and maybe we can have a poker party before we leave."
"Now you're talking a language I can appreciate. You know it just struck me; today is St. Patrick's day. Is that why Patrick is in his get up?"
"Yep, he wears it once a year."
Hobby got on the phone with our friend Emilio, a senior officer with the Federales. "He's coming with a couple of his buddies. We'll have a poker party, Joe."
Hobby had launched Lazybuns, which was waiting at the shipyard pier for our poker playing friends. When they arrived we wasted no time before sailing out into the bay. Hobby cranked up the diesels for a half hour for a bit of a shakedown before turning Lazybuns over to Mike. "Take us back to the bay on a slow cruise and then anchor there," he instructed.
The tequila was flowing as we settled into a spirited game of hold 'em. Everyone was having a grand time until Pablo said, "Captain Hobby, there's a speedboat that has circled around us several times and it's coming closer."
We all took a look and Emilio said, "That looks like one of our infamous drug dealers, he may try to board. Do you have any guns?"
"I sure do. Pablo, open the gun locker. I'll go to the aft docking area and see what's up."
"We'd like to come aboard," one of the two men said.
"We're having a private party," Hobby replied.
Immediately they brandished weapons and the leader said, "We like to party, too." Hobby took a line from the visitors and secured it.
Hobby played the part of a frightened man until they reached the salon. He pushed open the double doors and said, "Welcome to our St. Patrick's Day party!"
Facing six heavily armed men, the shocked intruders immediately surrendered.
Write to author David Valley at: dvalley1@san.rr.com
