Understanding the Table Bully

Dear Poker Counselor,
I have a hard time staying focused while playing because of the behavior of the other guys at the table. Whether I'm playing at my local casino or online, I seem to end up at the table with idiots who make rude comments and curse at me. When I run hot, they look down on me like I'm a lucky "fish." When I lose, it is even worse. I try to not let them get to me, but they always somehow get me off of my game. What can I do?

-Matt Hart, Connecticut

Dear Matt,

Not many people involved in the game of poker have ever argued that it is a gentlemen's sport. While we have our staunch traditions in poker, being a prim and proper contest between mannerly participants has never been one of them. Whether you're playing at a loose and easygoing home game in your buddy's basement or at the final table at the WSOP, you can expect someone in attendance will be employing the role of the rude, obnoxious table bully. Since their presence is nearly inevitable, you should be working to understand the motivations for their behaviors while sharpening your mental skills to take their chips. Primarily, we assume that table bullies are looking to reap the benefits of annoying or distracting the opponents at the table. This disruption is hoped to get others off of their game, and hopefully on tilt. Their bothersome tactics are usually as obvious as a schoolyard hooligan spouting "Your Mama" jokes, but they seem to be pushing your buttons. You are not alone in letting them get to you, as table bullies are consistently amongst the most profitable at any table. When they get the goods and raise the pot, they always seem to have frustrated fools calling them in order to push some sort of vengeful lesson (usually to no avail.) Great players will never donate their money on a frustration call, as they have mentally toughened themselves to react appropriately in such instances. Remember that you are still in control of your own thoughts and emotions, meaning only you (and your thoughts) can make you mad, angry, or frustrated. Nobody can MAKE you angry, you allow yourself to become angry by allowing your thoughts to spiral into an internal storm.

It may help you to evaluate the more veiled reason a person will take on the role of the table bully: selfmotivation. The bully is looking to validate himself in a shallow, simple attempt to boost his own confidence at the table. Just beneath the surface of almost every poker table bully is a frightened, uneasy player who is scared as hell to lose. In his warped perspective, losing his chips is equivalent to losing his own self-worth. It is usually quite simple, because when he has chips he feels worthy, he belongs, and he is in charge. When he is losing, he must attribute it to being "unlucky," the cards being "unfair," and to the "fish" making bad calls. He does this because it is too damaging on his self-perception to think that he is losing his power and self-worth by getting honestly and fairly beat. The panic of losing his self confidence is easiest to turn onto an outside target, like you. When the bully turns his attention to you by calling you names, consider it a sweet song highlighting that he considers you a threat to rake in his chips and self-worth!

Now go make it happen.