Poker Doctor: A Joe and Hobby Poker Fiction

I had just returned from a trip to Chicago where I worked with an ad agency that liked a campaign I created a couple years ago. It was a windfall dividend. One week of work netted what I previously earned in a year. My cell phone rang and ID-ed my buddy.

"What's up, Hobby?"

"Hey, Joe. How was Chicago?"

"Frigid, but the business went well. What have you been up to?"

"Just lunkin' along, but I've got a question for you. Do you know a player named Benny Heise?"

"The name's familiar. I think he plays cash games around L.A. Why?"

"I was surfin' the net and found his website. He calls himself the Poker Doctor and offers a service to diagnose your internet game."

"How does that work?"

"He's got a place in Santa Monica. You go there and log onto your online poker game. Benny makes a recording, reviews all your plays, and tells you how you can improve. What do you think?"

"I don't know. It might be useful. What does he charge?"

"Three hundred bucks. I think I'll give it a shot since my internet game has gone into the sewer."

It was a few days later when Hobby and I went to Ruth's for steaks.

"Well, Hobby. What does the doctor say? You gonna live?"

"What?" Hobby looked perplexed.

"Didn't you go to the Poker Doctor?"

"Oh, yeah. I went yesterday. It was good. I think I learned a lot."

"Like what?"

"You know. Like when to raise, pre-flop, watching for others' betting patterns. Stuff like that. Oh, yeah and when to muck a hand, but I don't think I've mastered that lesson yet."

"That's a tough one for everybody. It's the biggee that separates the men from the boys. Have you had a chance to test your new skills?"

"Not yet, but I signed up for the graduate course."

"What's that, Hobby?"

"Benny invites his students to play a live cash game. He deals and doesn't play. After the game he sends each player a confidential critique of their play."

"Hmm. Interesting. Let me know how it turns out. Maybe I'll take the course, too."

The sizzling steaks commanded our immediate attention. Poker took a backseat as we enjoyed what were probably the most delicious T-bones money can buy."

I had to make another trip to Chicago and hadn't given much thought to Hobby's poker school. When I returned to LAX after midnight I took a taxi to my Marina del Rey condo. I noticed there were calls on my answer machine, but I crashed. I was too wiped out to listen. After a cup of coffee the next morning I checked my messages. Two were telemarketers and two were from Hobby. I called him.

"Hey, Hobby. How're doing."

"Pretty good, Joe. I wasn't sure when you'd get back. How did it go?"

"No problem, but I had to stay an extra day. How did your graduate course go?"

"Oh, that." Hobby didn't elaborate.

"Hey, buddy. That doesn't sound very encouraging."

"No big deal. I dropped ten big ones."

"Really, ten thou! I know it won't break your piggy bank but it's not chump change, either."

"Funny thing, Joe, I thought I played real well. It just so happened that my good hands were always bested."

"Any big winners?"

"One guy must have walked away with 30 thou or more."

"You think it was a scam?"

"I don't have any evidence, but I've a funny feeling about it."

After our conversation I got to thinking about Hobby's "funny feeling."

He's not the most cerebral guy on the planet, but he has good instincts. I also didn't like the idea of my buddy getting ripped off, whether he could afford it or not.

"Hobby, I think I'll check out the Poker Doctor. I might learn something and I'll sign up for the grad course to see if I can spot any scam."

"That's great, Joe. I can't wait to see what you find out."

It was a couple weeks before I could get into the program, but in the meantime I did some thinking and planning. Finally, I did the internet bit and had the review with Benny. I was impressed with his knowledge of the game and must confess I did learn something. I also signed up for the graduate course.

The cash game under Benny's auspices seemed to favor a particular player, named Chet. I wasn't about to drop the wad Hobby did. Even when I had fairly good cards, I wagered conservatively and then only if the big winner was not in the pot. At the end of the evening I had lost a few hundred and consider it as good as a win. I bid adieu and took my leave walking quickly around the block to where Hobby was sitting in his car. As I slid into the front seat I asked, "Did you get it?"

"Yeah, every word. Listen up."

I had planted a transmitter and it picked up every sound in the room. From the conversations it was clear that players were saying goodbyes. After a quiet period a conversation resumed. "Not a great night, but not bad. What's the count?" It was Benny voice.

"A little over 27 grand," Chet replied. "What was with that guy, Joe? Didn't you set him up with good hands?"

"Of course. I don't get it. He should been in some of those pots with the cards I gave him."

"Heard enough, Joe," Hobby asked.

"Yeah, let's get over there before they leave." Hobby ducked behind me as I rapped on the door of the suite. Benny opened the door a crack and said, "What is it, Joe? I'm just about to close up."

"I think I dropped my glasses, probably under the table. Let me take a look."

"Well, ..."

I pushed my way in before he could think about it and Hobby followed closely behind.

"What are you doing here?" Benny said to Hobby.

I moved quickly into the back room where the poker table was set up. Chet was nowhere in sight. Benny was clearly agitated and said, "Take a look for your glasses, then I'd appreciate it if you'd leave."

I reached under the table and withdrew the transmitter.

"What the hell is that?" Benny demanded. I noticed that the door to the toilet moved slightly ajar.

"We're onto your scam, Benny, you and your buddy. Come out of there Chet and face the music."

Hobby yanked the door open and Chet stumbled into the room.

"You bastard," Hobby said. "Ripping off people who paid you for advice. You're a scumbag. For starters you're going to give back the ten thou I lost."

"It's just your word against ours and I'm not about to give you any money I won." Chet said with a lot of bravado thinking he could bluff Hobby. Big mistake.

Hobby jabbed and delivered a flurry of hard head slaps to the bigger man who could not defend himself, let alone launch any offense. He was soon reduced to whimpering and tears.

"How about you, Benny?

Do you need any convincing?" Benny was stunned and gave up the cash to Hobby.

I said, "That's not the end of it Benny. You might as well pack your bags and leave town. In case you're wondering, we've got a recording of your conversation with Chet. Your reputation's in the shitter."

Later Hobby said, "We be the good guys, Joe. I like that."

"Yep, that's us; Captains Courageous upholding the honor of poker."